The beginning of May has always been about motherhood for me. My mom's birthday is May 6 with Mothers' Day just around the corner from that. This year was a hard year, one of mixed emotions for me. Holidays are hard. My mom loved holidays. We got through Christmas, Valentine's Day passed by and my sister lovingly sent the boys chocolate eggs for Easter, just as my mom would have. I knew May was going to be tough emotionally and I would need to find ways to honour my mom and find strength instead of falling into darkness. The Sunday before what would have been my mom's 77th birthday, I had my dad and my sister and her family over for dinner. It was nice just to be gathered together with mom in our thoughts.
The boys were particularly sweet around Mothers Day this year. I heard them drive away Sunday morning (oh how times have changed) to get supplies and then return, make a commotion in the kitchen and then deliver me breakfast in bed with tulips by my bedside.
I had a rough day on Mothers Day. Ups and downs. Love and sorrow. The messages in the card from the boys brought on the tears.
"Thank you for always being there for me, no matter what. I love you." ~Colin
"Thank you for always encouraging me in what I do, forgiving my mistakes and helping me be who I am." ~Adam
I am so happy that the boys and I have the relationships that we do and they know my love is unconditionally theirs.
The boys' comments made me think about what moms are...advocates, cheerleaders, supporters, champions for their children. Unconditional. Unequivocal. Unwavering.
I have been noticing that I miss the routine-ness of some of my mom's mothering ways. The phone call every Sunday...even when we were living in the same city. There were times when I didn't feel I had "time" for that call every week and wondered what new things I could come up with to talk about but something about that routine was comforting, knowing that my mom would be there on the other end of the phone, no matter what.
As I go through difficult times, making decisions or am just feeling low, I miss knowing that there is always someone in my corner, championing me along. My mom always believed in me, even when I did not and helped me calmly reason through decision making. Sometimes I felt like she couldn't possibly understand what I was going through, but I now realize that the point was not whether she truly understood or not, but that she truly cared for and supported me. She always made time to listen, to sometimes say very little as I rambled on and then to say "you will make the right choice" or "you can do it!". I am realizing now, more then ever before, how much my mom taught me about motherhood. My mom, my champion.