motherhood: at this moment

Motherhood is an ever-changing, evolving experience. As the boys are now 12 and 15, they are pretty independent and at times, I don't feel very "needed". That's a bit tough for a mom who knew from a young age that she wanted to be a mom, even desperately so. I think being the best mom I can be and raising two well-rounded boys is the best gift I can give to this world we live in. About a month ago, the boys babysat two young boys in our cul-de-sac for the first time. I was a little worried about how it would go but they both came home pretty proud of themselves for having dealt with diapers, bedtimes, etc. I got a sweet email from the mom who said, "You guys have raised two amazing kids.  I hope my two turn out half as well." Well, that just warmed my heart. I feel that at this moment, all the time, energy and heart invested when the boys were little, is showing. 

At this moment, I still prepare dinners for the boys most nights, although they are capable of doing this themselves now.

At this moment, I still pick out the occasional clothing item for them, but mostly they choose their own clothes.

At this moment, I stay clear of their washroom at all times.

At this moment, I am doing my best to enjoy the things the boys do and try and be part of their real and virtual worlds.

At this moment, I work hard to make sure I know what's going on in the boys' lives and we still have good conversations.

At this moment, I am a chauffeur and am actually happy to have time in the car with the boys and their friends.

At this moment, I feel a little anxious when the boys are out in the world without us (at a movie with friends, hanging out at Starbucks, etc) and am so glad to see them come home.

At this moment, my heart aches and tears fill my eyes as I experience the boys' difficult times and disappointments through a mother's eyes and heart.

At this moment, I still gets hugs and kisses from both boys. 

At this moment, I spend time making sure the boys' moral compasses are pointing where I think they should be when we look at both personal and global issues.

At this moment, I am always picking up Colin's socks from around the house and Adam's towels from his bedroom floor. And I really don't mind.

At this moment, I still get up in the middle of the night sometimes and walk quietly down to the boys' rooms, just to check on them.

At this moment, I am figuring out what it means to be a mom to two teenaged boys.

At this moment, I am so proud of the boys and the young men they are becoming. Strength of character, integrity, humility and a strong sense of who they are as individuals.

At this moment, I look at both boys and wonder, what will be next?  I have loved every stage of their lives and try my best to be present and appreciate all the ups and downs of being a mom.

At this moment, my heart is full with joy. I love being a mom.

Comments

[Nicky]

Ahhh I see we are in synch again.....remember when Colin and David were more interested in the grass, the birds, the crowd rather than the soccer game they were playing.....and now they are off to high school! You are a really great Mom.....lucky boys!