Motherhood is an ever-changing, evolving experience. As the boys are now 12 and 15, they are pretty independent and at times, I don't feel very "needed". That's a bit tough for a mom who knew from a young age that she wanted to be a mom, even desperately so. I think being the best mom I can be and raising two well-rounded boys is the best gift I can give to this world we live in. About a month ago, the boys babysat two young boys in our cul-de-sac for the first time. I was a little worried about how it would go but they both came home pretty proud of themselves for having dealt with diapers, bedtimes, etc. I got a sweet email from the mom who said, "You guys have raised two amazing kids. I hope my two turn out half as well." Well, that just warmed my heart. I feel that at this moment, all the time, energy and heart invested when the boys were little, is showing.
At this moment, I still prepare dinners for the boys most nights, although they are capable of doing this themselves now.
At this moment, I still pick out the occasional clothing item for them, but mostly they choose their own clothes.
At this moment, I stay clear of their washroom at all times.
At this moment, I am doing my best to enjoy the things the boys do and try and be part of their real and virtual worlds.
At this moment, I work hard to make sure I know what's going on in the boys' lives and we still have good conversations.
At this moment, I am a chauffeur and am actually happy to have time in the car with the boys and their friends.
At this moment, I feel a little anxious when the boys are out in the world without us (at a movie with friends, hanging out at Starbucks, etc) and am so glad to see them come home.
At this moment, my heart aches and tears fill my eyes as I experience the boys' difficult times and disappointments through a mother's eyes and heart.
At this moment, I still gets hugs and kisses from both boys.
At this moment, I spend time making sure the boys' moral compasses are pointing where I think they should be when we look at both personal and global issues.
At this moment, I am always picking up Colin's socks from around the house and Adam's towels from his bedroom floor. And I really don't mind.
At this moment, I still get up in the middle of the night sometimes and walk quietly down to the boys' rooms, just to check on them.
At this moment, I am figuring out what it means to be a mom to two teenaged boys.
At this moment, I am so proud of the boys and the young men they are becoming. Strength of character, integrity, humility and a strong sense of who they are as individuals.
At this moment, I look at both boys and wonder, what will be next? I have loved every stage of their lives and try my best to be present and appreciate all the ups and downs of being a mom.
At this moment, my heart is full with joy. I love being a mom.